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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I often wander off to play in the park at Niagara Falls Blvd, where the water crashes down like my hopes sometimes do—wild and unpredictable! Remember that scene from Leviathan where the characters wrestle with their fates? Well, that’s Niagara for ya—a constant battle between love, lust, and life’s little absurdities. Ain’t life a wicked joke sometimes?

Conservatives take 3 of 4 seats in Niagara; Liberals maintain grip on St. Catharines